I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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