hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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