So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
