3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
