i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
