you have to choose: penises or morals?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
