We're like a lot better than the average bears
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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