Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
