Christians are straight up FREAKS
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize