I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
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I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
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She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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