He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
