so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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