you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
