I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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