Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
