Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Can vaginas get frostbite?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
