thus making me awesome and them whores
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
