Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
