okay pat passed out under dana's car
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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