This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
