Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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