That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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