im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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