my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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