"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
