did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
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