Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
