its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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