Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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