I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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