goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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