fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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