I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
