so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
My dick has a subreddit
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
