dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
