fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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