He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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