i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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