Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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