oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
