I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
