I haven't been this sober since birth.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
