Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
