Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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