the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
