In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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