Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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