I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You work out of a Hotel?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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