so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
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You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
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We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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