I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
