whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
