You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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