Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
