positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
