I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
vagina is talking i cant
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
