just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
