FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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