I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He called his prostate his "boner button".
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
