i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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