I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
