I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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