She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize