Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
