i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Hippo gnu deer
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
