I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
