just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
