I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
