I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
