I'm jealous of your bromance
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
found the other keg... it's in the tree
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
