Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
