eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
