you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
